


What Is This?

by AnotherCrazyFangirl



Series: 12 Days of Dethmas 2020 [9]
Category: Metalocalypse (Cartoon)
Genre: 12 Days of Christmas, 12 Days of Dethmas, Christmas, F/F, M/M, The Kujakissas make some damn ugly sweaters, but they don't want to upset their band parents, or their adopted grandma, the boys are humiliated, they hate them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28275582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherCrazyFangirl/pseuds/AnotherCrazyFangirl
Summary: Akita's mom makes sweaters for the band that look like they crawled out of Hell.The band fucking hates them but are forced to wear them at least once to satisfy their adopted grandma and band mom.
Relationships: Abigail Remeltindtdrinc/Original Female Character(s), Charles Foster Offdensen/Original Male Character(s), Nathan Explosion/Pickles the Drummer, Skwisgaar Skwigelf/Toki Wartooth, William Murderface/Original Character(s)
Series: 12 Days of Dethmas 2020 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2055411
Kudos: 3





	What Is This?

**Author's Note:**

> Dec 20th: Ugly Sweaters

Dethklok stared in utter horror and disbelief at the gifts in their laps. 

"Akita, you gotta be shitting me." Pickles groaned, rubbing his face. "These are so fucking ugly!" 

Akita rolled his eyes. "Come on boys, my mom went through a lot to make these for you." 

"With what, a pair of knives and her eyes closed?" Nathan asked as he held up the black sweater full of holes. Silver and white glittery pom poms were sewn on the black wool, drooping sadly. It looked like a poor parody of a night sky. 

Akita smacked the back of his head lightly. "That's my mom you're talking about. Now put on the fucking sweaters and pretend that you like them long enough for a picture." 

\----------------------

The band gathered in front of the Christmas tree, pulling on their sweaters and trying to scratch at the same time. Whatever wool Akita's mom had used had definitely come from a herd of satanic sheep. The sweaters were itchy and so hot, the sweat making the itching worse. 

Nathan had the advantage since his sweater had some holes he could dig his nails into. Pickles was worst off with a thick sweater with a chunky turtleneck that covered half of his face. It was pistachio green with a red hem and plastic balls all over the green. It seemed to be a Christmas tree with a red tree skirt and ornaments all across his person. He groaned loudly as he tried to find any way to scratch his red skin. 

Skwisgaar's sweater was a green abomination with fake fur hanging off it in layers. He had the word GRINCH across his shoulders in sparkly bold golden letters. The fur bothered his hands as he tried to scratch, rubbing his back against any available surface to ease the itching. 

Toki's sweater was bright red like a cherry and plastic green 'ribbon' running around his torso. It came together into a massive bow dead center on his back and he kept trying to scratch just underneath the mass. 

Murderface looked like a Christmas ham in a deep brown sweater that had a red turtleneck collar. A single, very loud jingle bell hung from his neck and rang whenever he turned his head or body. It seemed he was supposed to be the reindeer to Noni's Santa sweater. They also looked uncomfortable in the red wool with white fake fur trimmings. They kept pulling on the collar to keep it from touching their neck. 

Dana picked at her sweater; bright green with red and white sleeves. She had a red triangle collar and smaller jingle bells on the tips of the collars that rang obnoxiously whenever she moved. She looked extremely unhappy to be in the hot, thick wool. 

Abigail grimaced as she tried to claw her way through the wool. It seemed not even her or Charles had been spared. Her sweater was mainly red with white stripes across the torso and a green collar. A green wreath made from the same crinkly plastic as Toki's ribbon was on her chest with a red ribbon bow underneath. Red beads poked through like holly berries and she wanted to tear it straight off of her chest. 

Charles groaned loudly as he pulled on the collar. His sweater was tan with a plastic sheen on the torso as if Akita's mom had melted plastic on top of the wool. He had two obnoxiously bright red buttons the size of his palm on the front and a black bowtie that was making him scratch like his skin was going to fall off. 

"Stop scratching for five seconds and smile at me." Akita, wearing his own hideous abomination, stood in front of them with a camera in hand. His was white and furry, trying to mock freshly fallen snow. He had two black buttons sewn onto the torso and a red turtleneck that meant to be a scarf. But he wasn't itching like the rest of them. 

"What the hell?" Pickles groaned, putting Nathan's bigger hand into his sweater so that he could get some scratches that encompassed most of his back. "Why aren't you itching?" 

Akita rolled his eyes. "This is my mother. I've been wearing these damn sweaters forever." He pulled up the sleeve to reveal a long black sleeved shirt he had put on underneath. 

"But hows ams you not sweating?" Skwisgaar hissed, rubbing his back against the closest pillar. He was leaving behind some of the fake green fur. 

"Oh, I am. I'm just better at hiding it." He positioned his camera and adjusted the sweater to hide the black sleeves. The timer was set and he rushed over to Charles' side. "Now, smile and pretend you don't want to tear off your own skin."

\--------------

There was a ding on the Kujakissa family computer and Ilma opened the link her son had sent. 

And she snorted, covering her mouth with her hand. 

Dethklok was wearing the sweaters she had made and each one looked more miserable than the next. Noni and Abigail had made an attempt to look happy with their sweaters. Dana was caught mid scratch. Charles looked like he was in hell with the hollow broken look in his eyes. Only Akita looked fine, smiling widely at the camera. 

"Jaska!" She hollered, calling her husband. "Jaska, come quick!" 

Jaska came by, took one look at the screen and laughed hard enough to shake the house. "You really made those atrocious sweaters for everyone?!" 

She nodded seriously. "Of course. It's a family tradition." 

Jaska only shook his head fondly, smiling at her.

**Author's Note:**

> This is also late.
> 
> Here you go.


End file.
